Why Is Marriage Encouraged When My Single Life Was So Much Better?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Why is marriage so emphasized in Islam? I did istikhara, and my husband is kind and a strong believer, but I hate being married.

I also struggle with motherhood and feel my life was better when I was single. I regret my decision and don’t see any benefits. How should I handle this?

Answer

Thank you for your question. Marriage is highly emphasized because it allows believers to stay chaste and build families, which are a means of companionship, emotional and spiritual support, and raising the next generation of believers.

Benefits of Marriage

Allah (Most High) has told us in the Quran,

“And of His signs is that He created for you wives from yourselves that you might find tranquility in them, and He set between you love and affection. In this, are signs for people who reflect.“ [Quran, 30:21]

And He (Most High) refers to marriage as “a solemn covenant“, [Quran, 4:21]

The most beautiful metaphor is used for a married couple in our Book,

“They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them. [Quran, 2:187]

And Anas reported God’s Messenger as saying,

“When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear God regarding the remaining half.” [Bayhaqi]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“When a man dies, all his good deeds come to an end except three: Ongoing charity (Sadaqa Jariya), beneficial knowledge, and a righteous son who prays for him.” [Nasa’i]

Overwhelmed

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. We all do! Marriage and motherhood require adjustment, hard work, and patience. There are good times and bad times. However, some principles and perspectives will help you:

• Instead of focusing on what you’ve lost, find meaning in your new role.
• Reflect on your husband’s good qualities and the blessings of having children.
• Your positive istikhara to get married means that this was good for your worldly and otherworldly affairs, not that it was going to be a song and dance.
• Talk to your husband about what’s difficult for you. He may be able to support you better if he understands your struggles.
• Befriend families who are raising kids like you, and support each other.
• Prioritize connecting with your Lord through prayer and dhikr because boosting your iman will boost you in everything.
• Take time for learning knowledge because this will put all your actions into perspective.
• Engage in beneficial hobbies, exercise, and get fresh air.
• If motherhood feels overwhelming, seek help from family, friends, and learn useful routines, tips and tricks.
• Patience is key. If you are patient, Allah will be with you, and you will not feel alone.
• Put yourself in the shoes of a single sister or talk to one, she might desire exactly what you have, so try to see it from her angle.

Dua

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً

“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]

رَبِّ ٱجْعَلْنِى مُقِيمَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِى ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَآءِ

“My Lord! Make me and those of my descendants keep up prayer. Our Lord! Accept my prayers.” [Quran, 14:40]

Please see more details here:

• What Can Help Endure a Difficult Marriage Due to Financial Issues?
• How Do I Get Rid of My Desperation to Get Married?
• My Husband Is Acting Superior to Me, and My Patience Is Wearing Thin. What Should I Do?
• Should I Still Get Married Despite Not Being Inclined To?
• Can You Guide Me on How to Be Positive with My Baby?
• “To Mothers” – Moving Poem by Baraka Blue

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.