Can I Maintain Family Ties Despite My Parents Wishes?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

My uncle cheated my family. My mother forbids me to have relations with his family. I know that my uncle is wrong. What should I do?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam. Jazakum Allah kahyr for writing in. May Allah reward you for trying to maintain your family relations, despite the past problems.

You do not need to obey your mother in severing ties with your uncle and cousins. However, given the past situation, you should be sensitive to your mother’s concerns, and ensure that further your family and you are not vulnerable to further harm from your uncle.

Obeying parents

Allah has commanded us to be kind and gentle with our parents and to treat them with goodness. This is what is incumbent on every child, in every situation.

However, if parents forbid one from doing something obligatory in the religion, or order one to do something prohibited in the religion, or prevent one from attaining some palpable benefit in regards their own worldly and religious life and which does not compromise the parent’s rights, then one does not have to obey their parents.

For further information, please refer to this answer:

When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?

Keeping ties of Kinship and Sensitivity

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, ‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the ties of kinship.’ [Bukhari].

It is commendable you want to keep the family relations despite the troubled past, and you should do so. Maintaining the ties of kinship means that a person does not purposefully cut their relatives off. It suffices that one calls/emails time to time to see how they are. Therefore, take it slowly and see how things go.

However, do this with wisdom, both in terms of protecting your mother and yourself from any possible misbehavior from your uncle in the future, and avoid upsetting your mother more than is necessary.

Please also refer to this answer:

Obeying One’s Parents and Maintaining Ties of Kinship

I wish you all the best.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

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