Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I’m in a relationship with an atheist who has been leaning towards agnosticism for a year. We are both over 40. I love her qualities, and I’ve had no success in finding a Muslim or Christian girl. I live in the West and am out of touch with the Muslim community. I rely on her for my health and well-being. It is highly unlikely she will convert.
Thank you for your question.
May Allah reward you for your sincerity and willingness to inquire about this issue.
I understand that an agnostic is a person who doesn’t claim belief or disbelief in God but rather claims not to know anything beyond the material. This is, of course, ridiculous according to Muslims, and I fear for your own faith in God by keeping her company. I understand that religion might not be a hot topic between you, but there is no reason to give up and settle for her. Perhaps Allah sent her to you as temporary relief, but you should not make this a permanent mistake.
Leaving something for Allah
I know that you are attached to this person, I know that you love her, and I know that you know, deep down, that she is not good for your faith nor your future children. I empathize with your chronic illness and with being unable to find a suitable wife so far, but I want you to remember this prophetic hadith: “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return.” [Ahmad] Although breaking away from her may seem unimaginable, I want you to start fathoming the idea and eventually act on it with sincere repentance.
Turn to Allah
Don’t do anything for anyone else, do it for Allah. Put your hands up and just ask Him to guide you to do what is right and to guide you to what He loves. Ask Him for the love of those who love Him and for you to love those that He loves. I guarantee you that the fruit of your decision will manifest itself, and you will never regret it, despite the first step being difficult. Please see these links below, and may Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
Contemplate this prophetic hadith and its implications: “None of you is a believer until I am dearer to him than his child, his father, and the whole of mankind.“ [Muslim]
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.