Can I Still Make Dua That I Marry a Woman Who Says I Am Obsessed with Her? – Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have been in a long-distance relationship with a woman I deeply love. I am 20 and she is 27. She has recently ended things with me and this has left me heartbroken. I really wanted to marry this woman and I still make dua for her to be mine. However, within a month I found out she was speaking to another man. I hold resentment toward her and feel betrayed. Is it permissible for me to continue to make dua for her to be mine? She is not engaged to him.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration and I pray that you find the strength to move on from this relationship which doesn’t seem halal from the very beginning.
Pain
Pain and suffering affect every one of Allah’s servants and this is what the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) directed us to do: “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, ‘If only I had done such and such‘ rather say ‘Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa`ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).‘ For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.” [Ibn Maja]
Blindness
This experience will make you stronger, wiser, and more patient in sha Allah, if you don’t dwell on the resentment, regret and pain. Instead, see that this came to you from Allah. You are meant to learn something from this and I urge you not to fall in love before marriage, as this is the kind of heartbreak that comes from it. I understand that you feel strongly about her, but you must know that any feelings you have before marriage are lust, not love. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.” [Abu Dawud]
Move on
Walk away from her without ever looking back and know that you have lost nothing. A better woman will come and in sha Allah, she will fear God regarding you. Make it easier on yourself by cutting her off, deleting her contact, and busying yourself with what benefits you. Fulfill your obligations, pray on time, read some Quran daily with the meaning, exercise, and have excellence at work and in your studies. I pray that you choose your bride for religious piety as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Resources
When negative thoughts arise, discard them, and make remembrance of Allah. Don’t let the Devil make your feelings fester. See some excellent formulas of dhikr and duas in the links. Make Allah the object of your obsession.
The Benefits of Sending Peace & Blessings on Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
Read this Wird Every Day for Protection, Insha’Allah
The complete Wird Latif of Imam al-Haddad, with transliteration
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing
How to Deal with a Break-Up in a Haram Relationship?
Confused After Breaking up With My Boyfriend
I Broke up With a Man and Cannot Stop Thinking About Him. What Do I Do?
Will I Be Punished for Ending an Online Relationship and Hurting Someone?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
