Can You Advise Me about My Controlling Mother-in-Law?
Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am having very difficult days with my in-laws. They always try to dominate me. My mother-in-law always tells me what clothing and jewelry to wear. I can’t go anywhere alone with my husband, she always wants to go with us. If we don’t take her she makes it hard. If we ask her to come with us then her first reply will be no, I don’t want to go, I am feeling sick, but still she will go. She always tries to teach me to do things her way. She will tell me how and how much I to talk to others. She doesn’t want to let me mix with other girls, she thinks I will be spoiled by them. What can I do?
Answer
In-Laws
A Wife’s Right to Housing Seperate From Her In-Laws.
Strategies
-Accept that you will fall short of your mother-in-law’s expectations, and don’t even try to fulfill them.
-Maintain politeness and patience, it will gain you much good and your husband’s love.
-Communicate the problems to your husband and ask him to help. For example, a son can always insist to his mother that he wants to go out alone with his wife, she won’t argue that.
-Go out more often, take a class, get a part-time job, or volunteer. At least go to a ladies’ gym. Meeting others always relieves stress. Try to go out once a day at least.
-Where what you want most of the time, and say that your husband likes it. There’s no harm in wearing what she likes once in a while, it will make her happy.
-As for your friends, text them, call them when she is not around, and have your husband invite young couples for dinner, tell him that you need a social life.
Turn to Allah
Perform the Prayer of Need and make du`a for ease at tahajjud time. This is the time to be regular with your prayers, read the Quran daily, learn Arabic and devote a portion of your day to increasing knowledge and dhikr. Gaining closeness to Allah always gives peace of mind. Give charity regularly for charity stands in the way of calamity. Finally, make du`a for others in distress, perhaps through that, Allah will send you both ease.
Keep your hopes up and know that Allah’s promise is true in the Quran: “[…] And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Quran, 65:2-3]
Contented In-Laws.
Is It Permissible to Live Separately From In-Laws?
[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad
