Answered by Shaykh Farid Dingle
Question: Assalamu alaykum
I have commited a sin towards my mother so bad that I’m afraid to tell her. Should I confess to my mother and tell her everything or should I just sincerely ask for forgiveness from Allah and her?
Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahamtullah wa barakatuh,
You clearly know better than I that the rank of the mother in Islam is something really great. Allah Most High has conjoined the command to worship Him alone with kindness to parents saying, ‘And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Should either o of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.’ [17:23] A man came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, who has the best right to my kind companionship?’
‘Your mother,’ replied he.
‘Then your mother.’
‘Then your mother.’
‘Then your father.’ [Bukhari and Muslim]
Having a general feeling of guilt that one has not given one’s mother her due, is a sign of iman and faith in Allah, as long as it doesn’t go to extremes. In reality, this feeling is an extension of of unlimited indebtedness to Allah Most High that extends to all those of His creation that He employs to our benefit.
Telling others of one’s sins
Generally speaking, as you have mentioned, sins should not be shared with another, even if they are against the person you wish to mention it to. However, if it involves financial or legal rights, you must mention it to someone, so that you don’t add insult to injury and withhold a right of theirs.
If it sin does not affect her rights or it can or has been repaid finacially or otherwise, then just repent to Allah.
I pray that this helps,
[Shaykh] Farid Dingle
Shaykh Farid Dingle grew up in a convert family in Herefordshire, UK. In 2007, he moved to Jordan to pursue traditional studies. Shaykh Farid continues to live in Amman, Jordan with his wife and kids. In addition to continuing his studies he teaches Arabic and several of the Islamic sciences.
Shaykh Farid began his journey in sacred knowledge with intensives in the UK and Jordan (2004) in Shafi’i fiqh and Arabic. After years of studying Arabic grammar, Shafi’i fiqh, hadith, legal methodology (usul al-fiqh) and tafsir, Sh. Farid began specializing in Arabic language and literature. Sh. Farid studied Pre-Islamic poetry, Umayyad, Abbasid, Fatimid, and Andalusian literature. He holds a BA in Arabic Language and Literature and continues exploring the language of the Islamic tradition.
In addition to his interest in the Arabic language Shaykh Farid actively researches matters related to jurisprudence (fiqh) which he studied with Shaykh Hamza Karamali, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, and continues with Shaykh Amjad Rasheed.