Do I Need to Pray Istikhara When I Already Love Someone?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I’m in a real dilemma with strong doubt. I’m sure that I need to marry a particular girl. The situation is hard but I love her so much that I must live my life with her.
As it is a firm decision, do I still need to pray istikhara? Is there any other dua or salat to make that happen? It is really bothering me as I really wish to live with her and I’m afraid of any bad signs.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I pray that you do end up with the one that you love and that you are blessed in that union.
Istikhara
One still prays istikhara no matter whom one loves because one is seeking guidance from Allah to what is right. Please pray the Prayer of Guidance (istikhara) and ask Allah if the girl you love is right for you. I have heard countless stories where men did not end up with the girls they love and vice versa only to find their soulmates later on.
Also, are you marrying her for her religion? The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari and Muslim]. Don’t be blinded by your love right now. Step back and make sure that you are marrying her for religion and for her suitability to be a mother to your children. If it is just beauty or wealth that is drawing you in, I beg you to reconsider.
Going Forward
If you prayed istikhara and are ready to propose to this girl, take the right steps:
-Make du`a that Allah makes the process easy and directs you to please Him, not what pleases yourself.
-Get financially stable or complete your education.
-Speak to your parents to plan a proposal.
-Discuss with her any issue that might come up in marriage and expectations
-Take a course on marriage at Seekers and ask her to do the same so that rights and obligations are clear: Marriage in Islam
-Go to her house with your parents and propose and don’t contravene the shari`ah in any aspect of the wedding or ceremonies.
Duas
Here are some duas that you can recite daily and memorize.
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?
May Allah bless you in your decision and give you a partner that is good for your deen and dunya.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
