Guilty about engaging in oral sex

Question: I feel guilty about engaging in oral sex.

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Reliable scholars have allowed oral sex, so it permissible to follow such a position.

Please see: https://seekersguidance.org/answers/shafii-fiqh/is-it-permissible-to-perform-oral-sex-to-ones-wife-shafii-school/

The question here is not about halal and haram, the question is, ‘Is this the best thing you should do as a believer, and particularly as a husband?’

What you should think about is how important this is to your sex life, and what effect it has on your relationship with your wife. What physical or emotional loss are you trying to replace by resorting to oral sex?

I am not a sex therapist, but I hazard a guess that for men, receiving oral sex is some kind of way of compensating a level of superiority or respect that they do not receive from their spouse- perhaps even the inability to perform sexually as they would otherwise wish to. Is there any other way that this can be redressed? I am just posing the question. I don’t have an answer.

For women, receiving oral sex might often be a less stressful guarantee of achieving orgasm. But putting the immediate gratification aside, would she prefer to receive that same gratification in another way? Deep inside, does she view this as caring for her sexual needs and as an act of love, or does she just enjoy on a physical level? How does it make her view her husband in the greater scheme of things? Again, I am just asking the question as a thought exercise and I do not have the answer.

I think generally this issue is part of the bigger problem, the problem of men not being men and women not being women, and it often solved in quick-fix ways that leave both parties not as happy as they otherwise could have been.

Please see also:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kDbqABvEN0

I pray this helps.

[Shaykh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language