How Do I Continue After Being Forced Into Marriage With a Despicable Man?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I was forced into a marriage in December after telling everyone that I wasn’t interested at all. Yet, he and my family forced me.

It hasn’t been going good at all, I really tried to make it work with the mindset that this is what Allah willed and there might be some good in it which I can’t see. But there wasn’t a single happy day with him. He was extremely rude, always accusing, controlling like locking the door and not letting me out or not letting me sit with anyone in the family including my aunts. He also makes everything into a big issue where both my parents and his have to be involved. He told my parents and his about our private intimate life.

What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that you got stuck in this tough situation. Young women must know that firmly saying no is better than ending up in a marriage like this.

Options

I don’t usually tell newlywed brides this, but you have only been married two months, and your husband has shown strong signs of being abusive. This most probably will get worse and I ask that you pray istikhara about asking for a divorce. The fact that he locks you in the house, the fact that he doesn’t let you sit with relatives and has discussed your private life with family means that he has no regard for shame and doesn’t fear Allah as he should.

Turn to Allah

Although you hate this man, a divorce is never easy. I ask that you seek guidance from Allah, by turning to Him entirely. Pray your prayers on time, read Quran daily with the meaning, and make dhikr (remembrance of Allah) often. Take steps to self-care, get healthy, strong, eat well, and see good pious friends regularly. Pray the Prayer of Need and supplicate before dawn, when Allah seeks those who are asking. Follow what your heart tells you, consult friends, relatives, a local imam, or scholar, and weigh all of your options carefully before you decide. You have a right to happiness, well-being, and to be safe from abuse.

Please see these links:
I Am Unhappily Married to a Man My Father Chose for Me. What Do I Do?
How Do I Deal With an Abusive Husband Who Gives Me No Rights?
Should I Stay Married Even Though I Hate My Husband Because of His Bad Character and Irreligiousness?
My Husband Has Cut Everything out of My Life. What Can I Do?
My Husband is Abusive, Irresponsible, and Doesn’t Practice Islam
Am I Destined to Suffer in an Unhappy Marriage?

Please find solace in this hadith of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.