Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam alaykum,
I was unhappy in my marriage, and had an affair with my ex. I sincerely regret this, have severed ties with him, and have repented. I am so scared. Should I tell my husband? How do I restore his right?
Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) as saying: All the people of my Ummah would get pardon for their sins except those who publicise them. And (it means) that a servant should do a deed during the night and tell the people in the morning that he has done so and so, whereas Allah has concealed it. And he does a deed during the day and when it is night he tells the people, whereas Allah has concealed it.[Sahih Muslim]
Dear sister, please do not disclose your affair to your husband. Bury it, and never speak to it to anyone. I repeat – it is obligatory for you to hide this sin for the rest of your life.
Restore your husband’s right by making good on your marriage contract, and never straying again. Trust that Allah can accept your repentance, and turn your bad deeds into good deeds.
Dear sister, please do everything in your power to heal your marriage. I do not know the details, but it is likely that your affair began from an emotional rift between you and your husband. The Cheater’s Cascade is something you have the power to prevent, from now on.
Seek out the support of a culturally-sensitive counsellor. At the very minimum, you can speak to a counsellor alone about what you can do to improve your marriage. Ideally, it would be better for both of you to go. Again, please do not disclose your past affair. Simply work on strategies to improve your marriage.
Please enrol in and complete Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage.
I pray that Allah grants you and your husband the blessing of a healed marriage.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersGuidance Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.