Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
Question: I go to this Catholic school and there’s this non-Muslim girl. I don’t date or go to dances but I started having these weird crush feelings for her. I tried to be her friend. I would give her advice and be nice to her. Sometimes she would talk to me an di added her on Facebook, and other times she would ignore me like I don’t even exist. For some time I cut contact with her due to specific reasons. Then we started interacting like normal friends but then she starting ignoring me again. Now, I feel sad and lonely. I sometimes feel like this entire scenario is impermissible and that I’m just some stupid teenage sinner. What should I do?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and those who follow them.
Thank you for your question. I pray you are in good health and iman.
First, you are not a teenage sinner. You are a normal teenager. I am not surprised you have a crush on this girl. It is natural for males and females to be attracted to each other and you go to a co-ed school.
Second, while you can’t control how you feel about this girl, you most certainly can control what you do with your feelings. Adding her as your Facebook friend was a mistake and you shouldn’t be trying to add her again. You did the right thing by going to school administrators when she threatened suicide. She obviously has some personal issues to sort through and there’s not much you can do to help her without getting sucked into a lot of drama you don’t need.
Third, don’t worry if she ignores you. Pursuing a relationship with her is not good for you. You have your whole life ahead of you, insha’Allah, and when the time is right you can pursue a relationship with someone suitable in a halal manner. Be proud of the fact that you tried to help her but didn’t get caught up in any drama. Draw on the inner peace that you have as a believing Muslim and be the best example you can for your classmates.
Finally, pray a special sunnah prayer called Salat al-Hajah and ask Allah to calm your heart and focus your attention on what is truly beneficial for you.
I hope this is helpful.
May Allah reward you,
Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
May 18, 2010/Jumada al-Thani 5, 1431
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani