Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: I am happily married with children but still find myself in love with someone who I had feelings for years ago before marriage. There has been no contact for many years but I am still not able to purify my heart of the person’s memory. I have done tawba and simply wish to have all memory of this man erased from my mind. What more can I do?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

Assalamu alaikum.

I pray you are doing better.

After making tawba from these thoughts, you need to purge your life of any reminders of this attachment and make sure you are not feeding your heart with impurity through entertainment, television, and the like.

It may be worth seeking counseling over as well, as going into a marriage while one’s heart is attached to another is a dangerous thing and requires a lot of hard work and maturity to deal with.

Finally, ask yourself whether this is really love. I think it’s the ego telling one the grass is greener on the other side, when it really isn’t. You are very fortunate to be in a happy marriage and many women would do anything to have a good husband and children. Think long and hard about why you’re misdirecting precious energy toward something that wasn’t meant to be.

Wasalaam,

Zaynab Ansari

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