Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
Question: What are the rules on marriage with a non-Muslim man? Is it permissible for a Muslim lady to even speak to a non-Muslim man (from her past life) and to introduce Islam to him? And is it wrong to have love for this person after accepting Islam? Is there something she can do to cure her heart? Also, what should one do if they want to get married but cant, due to reasons like parents not stressing it or not giving it attention? Does this mean marriage isnt for her?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and those who follow them.
Thank you for your question. I pray you are in better spirits these days.
I wasn’t quite clear on what obstacles to marriage you are facing, but let me try to address the points you have raised.
First, it sounds like you are still in love with someone you knew before you became Muslim. While you certainly cannot control your feelings, you can control what you do with them. It may be difficult to be rational about this, but what is the basis for the attraction you feel? If you are meant to be with this person, then Allah will guide him to Islam. No amount of da’wah you give is going to make a difference. And given how emotional you are about this, it is best not to speak to this person. Why put yourself through that kind of heartache? If he’s genuinely interested in Islam, there are a number of resources he could seek out.
Second, ask Allah to give you what is best. Ask Allah to guide this person to Islam and let you marry him if it is best for your deen and dunya. And ask Allah to remove this attachment from your heart if this person is not the best for your deen and dunya. It was reported that the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, used to say, “O Allah, o controller of hearts and eyes, make my heart firm upon your religion.” You should make this dua, keep constant with your prayers, and always strive to be in a state of remembrance of Allah.
Third, it’s very premature to conclude that marriage is not for you. And while lack of a Muslim community or Muslim family members poses a problem, there are ways around this. However, before you even consider trying to find a Muslim husband, you need to resolve your feelings for this individual. You can’t seriously discuss marriage with a Muslim brother when you have these feelings about someone from your past.
I hope this is helpful.
May Allah reward you,
Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
March 22, 2010/Rabi’ al-Thani 7, 1431
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani