A Poem for Personal Problems

Is Marriage the Solution to My Masturbation Problem?


Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

Is marriage the solution to my masturbation problem?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Marriage

May Allah help you along your journey towards healing, and bless you with the best means possible.

Marriage is a tremendous responsibility and a trust, and not necessarily the answer to your difficulties. Please learn the fiqh behind marriage before considering it. This will save you a lot of unnecessary pain. Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages

Please do everything in your power to better yourself so that you will be able to be a supportive, loving and steadfast spouse. Marital intimacy is an important part of marriage, and the best kind of intimacy is built upon a foundation of mutual trust and respect.

Please read Before You Tie The Knot to help you better understand what you need to do to prepare for marriage. Know yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, and do your best to ascertain what kind of spouse would suit you. Allah knows best, of course, but you need to do your part.

Learning how to control your desires now is extremely important, because it is unrealistic and unfair for you to expect your spouse to teach you restraint.

Sin

When you fall back into sin, make a sincere repentance. Feel remorseful, and strive to do better next time. Give in charity and ask Allah for help. Change is only possible through His Mercy.

Please work on understanding your own triggers. Under what circumstances are you most likely to sin in this way? Do you know what triggers your relapses into masturbation? Do you watch pornography? If so, I strongly suggest that you commit to a path of healing through Purify Your Gaze.

Only you can own this issue and inshaAllah solve it, through Allah’s help. Even the most supportive and loving of spouses cannot be held responsible for what you do with your own hands.

Moving forward

I suggest that you design your life to make obedience to Allah easier.

1) Guard your prayers
2) Reduce screen time
3) Reduce your intake of meat
4) Consult a holistic therapist for support.
5) Perform the Prayer of Need regularly and ask Allah for healing, and the gift of a happy marriage.
6) Keep good company.
7) Be of service to your family and friends.
8) Let your parents know that you wish to get married, and start the conversation about what kind of person you have in mind.

Please see:

A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.