My Husband Is Acting Superior to Me, and My Patience Is Wearing Thin. What Should I Do?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: My husband is acting superior to me. Outside, he pretends he doesn’t know me. He doesn’t eat what I cook. He hides money from me. When he gets close, my heart feels bad vibes. I was advised to seek divorce. I can’t. What can I do? Is there any relief?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. Dear sister, may Allah lift the sorrow from your heart and grant you a way out of your difficulty.
Hardship
Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and says: I supplicated but it was not granted.” [Sahih Muslim]
It is difficult when we make dua and do not get an immediate answer. Trust that Allah will answer us, but in His time, and in His way. Please ask Allah for patience to bear with His Decree. Reach out for support during this time. Can you speak to your family and attend counselling?
Is there a local scholar who can help speak to your husband? Can you attend marital counselling?
Please complete Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life and encourage your husband to do the same.
Moving forward
Narrated Anas: Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace)! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” The Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.” [Sahih Bukhari]
Please perform the Prayer of Guidance up to seven times about how you should move forward. If Allah makes your marriage easier to bear, then this is a sign for you to stay. If things continue to be difficult and your husband refuses to change, then this could be a sign for you to leave. Try everything you can think of to save your marriage, but if none of it works, then divorce is a last resort for you.
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar that: the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Alhamdulilah, Allah has made divorce permissible. Even though divorce is hated by Allah, in many cases, divorce can be a mercy for all involved.
Please refer to the following links:
What Can Help Endure a Difficult Marriage Due to Financial Issues?
Staying Connected to Your Purpose Even When Your Marriage is Rocky, by Ustadha Anse Tamara Gray
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?
Wassalam,
Raidah
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
