Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam alaikum.
My parents have been stressing about me getting married for the past few years and about a year and a half ago I decided to wear hijab. My parents are very against it and constantly say hurtful things. Since I’ve put on hijab the number of proposals I’ve gotten has drastically decreased. My family’s reactions make me feel that I won’t find anyone with hijab. Are there any advice you could give me for patience, finding the right spouse and dealing with my family?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah grant you swift and tremendous ease after this trial.
“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.” [Quran 2:186]
Allah’s promise is true. Never, ever lose hope in the mercy and generosity of your Creator, who sustained you when you were only a clot in your mother’s womb. He has nurtured you into the young woman you are today, and He will not abandon you now. Read Surah Al-Waqi’ah (Surah 56) as much as you can, and ask Allah to increase you in rizq, especially in the form of a righteous and loving husband.
When your trust in Allah begins to falter, increase your acts of worship and ask Allah to place certainty in your heart. Wake up before Fajr and beseech Allah in that sacred last part of the night.
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” [Quran 2:153]
If you wish to gain Allah’s blessing, then the solution is to remain steadfast on what He has made obligatory, and to stay away from what he has made impermissible.
Think back to the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all). Many of them endured over a decade of physical and emotional torture. Living under the persecution of the Quraysh in Mecca was a tremendous test for all of them, and Allah granted them relief in the form of migration to Medina. Your relief is also near.
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision.” [Quran 24:26]
“Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!” [Quran 13:28]
A man who dislikes your hijab is disliking something which brings happiness to the heart of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). You are a believing woman, and Allah honours you with hijab. A man who dislikes what Allah has commanded, is not worthy of you.
Ultimately, your heart will find true rest only with remembrance of Allah. No husband can provide that because only Allah is the Turner of hearts.
“And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.” [Quran 29:8]
Although it must be so hurtful and disappointing to hear your parents’ constant disapproval, remember that you are pleasing Allah Most High. Make dua for your parents. Speak to them kindly. Be that compassionate daughter, and their hearts may soften.
Please refer to the following links:
My non-Muslim parents get upset when I wear the hijab
Denying the obligation of wearing hijab
How to approach getting married
Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.