Should I Keep in Touch With a Man That I May Not End Up Marrying?


Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

 

Question

I have feelings for this guy and he shares the same feelings. He wants us to keep in contact. But I don’t want that, because I think it upsets Allah and I’m not sure if my parents would accept him. 

I want to marry him later in life when the time is right. Is it okay for us to stay in touch? I feel guilty for being distant from him because I know it’s hurting him. What should I do in this regard?

Answer

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. 

No, no, no, don’t keep in touch with him.

Gender interaction

Your instincts are perfectly correct. 

It does upset Allah, and you don’t want to end up being one of those girls in an illegitimate relationship, or at least attached emotionally, and then ends up not marrying that man she loves. 

Stick to the rules. He is not your husband now, nor has he proposed. 

Tell him to pray istikhara and propose when the time is right. Maintain your dignity, and tell him that the only way he can stay in touch with you is when you are engaged to him with the consent of both families and you are planning the wedding.

Feelings

It won’t be easy that he is hurt and that may bother you, but it is irrelevant. Don’t be easy, but be honest and forthcoming. 

Ask Allah to send you the right man at the right time and to take the right steps. Until then, prepare yourself, take a course on marriage, learn the halals and harams of daily life, review your personally obligatory knowledge, and hone skills that will help you later on in life. 

Please see these tips as well:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad  

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.