Weddings & Hijab: Advising a Future Spouse
Answered by Ustadha Sulma Badrudduja
Question: My fiance wears hijab, but for our wedding she will be showing her neck. I have advised her that I do not want her doing this and that its not proper hijab. She says it doesnt look good with the wedding outfit and jewelry. I have tried showing her other styles of hijab that she could use and still cover her neck and I have mentioned that those styles look good. She starts to get really irritated about it and says she doesnt like how they look. It is becoming a point of conflict for us. What is the best way to handle this situation?
Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,
I hope you are doing well inshaAllah.
As I am sure you have found, this is a very sensitive issue and must be dealt with carefully and with wisdom. Because of this, it is best to find someone, such as an elder or imam, with whom you and your fiancee feel comfortable discussing this issue. There are however some points of advice that I would like to offer you. I pray they will be of benefit and that Allah will grant both of you every ease, happiness, and His contentment.
(1) One solution to the problems that women face in wearing a proper hijab for weddings is to make the wedding gender-separated. If women and men can be seated in completely different rooms and pictures can be avoided, your fiancee will have much more freedom in what she would like to wear. If you choose to take pictures, she can wear the hijab during the pictures, but keep it off for the rest of the events. Maybe the both of you can reach a compromise by designating certain events which require the hijab, like when she is signing papers and may be in front of non-mahram men; but also allowing for other events that do not require the hijab, like a party for the bride hosted by her girlfriends.
(2) Weddings are extremely important occasions and family members and loved ones often work tirelessly to ensure that everything runs smoothly. Sometimes this results in pressure on some to act a certain way or to wear particular clothes. Brides feel pressured to look their very best. If you feel your fiancee knows what she is doing wrong but she is being pressured, directly or indirectly, to wear the hijab improperly, see if you can address this source of pressure and replace it with a positive influence. See if any friends or members of the family can encourage her to wear a proper hijab. Have someone consult her religious friends who wear the hijab appropriately to show her how she can dress in accordance to the shariah and still look beautiful.
You have done a good job so far by advising her and showing her alternatives. InshaAllah with your good intention and gentle and proper manner, Allah will help you.
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani