Should I Have a Child with My Husband If We Disagree about How to Live Islam?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband and I have been married for almost two years. Before marriage, I was a student of hifz and tafsir for years. Initially, my husband used to pray five times a day and attend halaqas, but he stopped after marriage. He tells me that I follow a different version of Islam. Our conversations about Islam end up in an argument, distancing me from him. I don’t feel like having a baby due to this.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration at seeing things differently from your husband, but I think that if you stop nagging him, he will come around.
Don’t fight
It sounds to me that you and your husband both pray and are both religious. His missing a prayer now and again for a valid excuse should not be a concern. The only thing you should be concerned about is not fighting with him. Don’t try to change him. If he shows you love and care, fulfills your rights, and supports you in your seeking of knowledge, you have the whole world.
Best wife
I encourage you not to bring up topics that cause arguments, maintain respect for him, and show gentleness and kindness at all times. Never fight about Islam; just listen and disagree kindly. By simply being who you are and silently practicing your religion, he might change his mind. If you fight, nag, and complain, he will never be encouraged to participate in more events.
This is what I have gleaned from the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything about herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Musnad of Ahmad]
The Prophet also(Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja] Please follow this at all times when you speak to him.
Baby
All of this being said, I believe a baby will bring balance into your life and give you a different understanding and perspective of Islamic practice. I also believe it will help you bond with your husband and reduce the distance between you. Please pray istikhara about this because if you feel certain that you don’t want a child with him, you will have to ask for a divorce, as he has a right to have children.
Please say this Quranic du`a daily:
رَبَّنَا آتِنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ رَحْمَةً وَهَيِّئْ لَنَا مِنْ أَمْرِنَا رَشَدًا
˹Remember˺ when those youths took refuge in the cave and said, “Our Lord! Grant us mercy from Yourself and guide us rightly through our ordeal.” [Quran, 18:10]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
