Am I Sinful for Being Distant from My Father Who Has Cut Me Off?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My wealthy father neglects our needs while spending on land. He cut ties with me after I asked for financial support.

Am I sinful for keeping my distance, and what is the minimum I must do to avoid disobedience in Islam?

Answer

Thank you for your question. He is the one being sinful for cutting you off, but you can maintain a minimum relationship with him by telling him that you are not cutting him off from your side, and by checking in once in a while.

Neglect

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“It is shockingly wicked for a person to withhold from those he is to provide for.” [Muslim]

Your father is sinful for neglecting to support you, as he is obligated to provide for his children if they are in need. Perhaps you can have a third party talk to him and make him understand this.

Ties of Kinship

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”. [Bukhari]

Tips

• Make a minimum effort like calling or messaging him on Eid and Ramadan. Check in if he is sick.
• Be respectful because Allah commands us to treat parents with goodness.
• Forgive him in your heart and be patient because he will eventually come around.
• Avoid holding a grudge because Allah Most High has asked us to keep our hearts free of rancor.
• Turn to Allah in your pain with regular prayer, dua, and dhikr, and know that it will get easier by His grace.

It was narrated that ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr said: “It was said to the Messenger of Allah Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), ‘Which of the people is best?’ He said: ‘Everyone who is pure of heart and sincere in speech.’ They said: ‘Sincere in speech, we know what this is, but what is pure of heart?’ He said: ‘It is (the heart) that is pious and pure, with no sin, injustice, rancour or envy in it.’” [Ibn Maja]

Please see more details here:

• Is It Sufficient to Message My Father on the Two Eids?
• Can I Cut Ties with My Stingy, Irresponsible, and Horrible Father?
• How Should I Uphold My Family Ties?
• Is It Permissible to Cut Ties with a Violent Father?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.