How Can I Approach a Girl’s Family for Marriage When Both of Our Families Are Far Away?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How should I approach a modest Muslim lady in my campus or workplace as we are both not from the place and neither are our parents and relatives, etc.? Also, how can I Islamically approach her with the intent of marriage without directly talking to her?

Answer

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. It is honorable of you to seek a correct way to approach a modest Muslim girl for marriage. May Allah reward you for that.

Guardian

The best way to approach the topic is to call her father or brother. Seek permission from them to speak to her, if she is comfortable with that, or arrange to meet her at her family’s home if you can afford to travel there. Her father may only permit you to speak to her on the phone if there are no other options.

This is the best way to do it. I don’t encourage that you go through friends because her guardian should be informed of someone approaching his daughter. This allows him to protect her and act in her best interest. This will put blessings in the process, increase his respect for you, and show him that you are serious.

Consider carefully

As with any prospective bride, pray istikhara, choose her for her piety and consult your family as well. Your parents may also consider speaking to her and her family initially to get an idea of whether she is good for you. Once you have decided, make sure that you prepare well for marriage. At the very least, take a course to learn your obligations and rights. See these links for more details.

 

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/approaching-a-potential-spouse/

The Intentions of Marriage – Shaykh Ali bin Abu Bakr al-Sakran

Is Marriage Haram For Some People? by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Prepare, Before Your Marriage Goes Belly-Up

Successful Marriage: Keys from the Prophet Muhammad’s Sunnah ﷺ

Video: Finding a spouse, maintaining strong marriages

Understanding Muslim Marriage – A Conversation with Imam Zaid

What Is The Purpose Of Marriage? A Muslim Perspective

Four Keys to The Most Successful Marriage

Following Istikhara in Pursuing Marriage

How to Approach Getting Married

 

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. 

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad  

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.