How Can I Help My Child Learn to Make Close Friends?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

In Islam, are parents required to explain to a child that: (1) nobody except God can fully know what is in his mind; (2) even family members cannot automatically know his actual likes, dislikes, even though they know your childhood struggles; (3) maintaining uncertain friendships can become mentally tiring for others; (4) people are not responsible for carrying another person’s social uncertainty; and (5) mental tiredness can make a person less happy and less interested in things even when trying to adapt?

Should parents also teach that friendship closeness grows by staying with the same friend group over time, especially if the child does not understand how friendships are formed when he was in grade 3 at his school?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

All of your questions above are valid. Ultimately, it is the parents who will keep a constant eye on the child’s development and ensure it is spiritually, emotionally, and academically supported, while praying to Allah Most High for the child and themselves to be guided in all matters.

As you mentioned, friendship grows gradually over time with parental guidance and direction.

Allah Most High says, ‘O believers! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…’ [Quran, 66:6]

Teaching and Disciplining

Ali ibn Abi Talib (Allah be pleased with him), the cousin of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace be upon him), said that the meaning of the verse is – “Teach them and discipline them.” [Ibn Kathir, Tafsir al-Quran al-Azim, 8.167]

The jurists have pointed out that, according to the verse under comment, it is the responsibility of every Muslim to educate the wife and children in matters of Sharia obligations, and in matters of halal and haram, and train them diligently to act upon them.

A hadith says, “May Allah shower His mercy upon a person who says: ‘0 my wife and children, (be mindful of) your prayers, your fasting, your alms, your indigent, your orphan, your neighbour! It is hoped that Allah will gather all these with him in Paradise.” [Shafi, Ma’arif al-Quran]

Habits Are Instilled

Anas bin Malik narrated that the Messenger of Allah(Allah bless him and give him peace) said:”Be kind to your children, and perfect their manners.” [Ibn Majah]

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (Allah be pleased with him) said, watch over your children regarding prayer; make them habituated to doing good, for goodness comes with habits [Bayhaqi, Al-Sunan al-Kubra]

Regular Duas Along with Instilling Good Habits

Regular duas are essential, along with practically working towards guidance.

The importance of duas and supplication for the righteousness and guidance of children is why prophets and righteous people were eager, so keep your tongue moist with the following duas:

Prophet Ibraham (Allah give him peace) said: رَبِّ هَبْ لِى مِنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ  “My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.” [Quran 37:100];

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً

“Our Lord! Grant unto us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” [Qur’an, 25:74]

We ask Allah to protect our children and the children of the Muslims, and may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and all his companions.

And Allah knows best.

[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

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Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.