How Can I Reconcile with Past Abuse and Equal Distribution of Wealth from My Father and Move Forward Islamically?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

My father was abusive and caused me deep harm throughout my life, yet he has now chosen to divide his estate equally among all his children without acknowledging the injustice I endured. How can I reconcile with this and move forward Islamically?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I pray you are in good faith and health.

This is a terrible injustice that has been happening to you. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been suffering because of your father’s behavior all these years. Islam requires standing against injustice, bringing the matter to the appropriate people, and taking the necessary steps to seek guidance.

There is no doubt that your father must acknowledge the injustice toward you. It does not erase the injustice if he is now distributing the estate equally among all his children. So, it is important that you not sever ties entirely; however, forced emotional closeness is not required.

Accept the estate that has been equally divided amongst the siblings. Take this as a step toward him realizing his past mistakes.

Ties of kinship under the Throne of Allah

‘Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) reported the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The bond of family is suspended from the Throne, and it says: Whoever upholds me, Allah will uphold him. Whoever severs me, Allah will sever him.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

You already know that it is unlawful to sever kinship ties, so maintain your best possible contact with him if he is not abusive toward you. Pray for him, as this can help you stay mentally well. Keeping your heart and mind clear facilitates healing. Don’t allow the past to make you feel depressed, as it has happened.

Maintaining Ties

Maintaining connections with parents and relatives is a religious obligation that requires significant effort; in your specific situation, minimal contact suffices; emotional intimacy is not deemed necessary.

Focus on Yourself

Make the intention to focus on yourself, seek knowledge, and rely on Allah at every step of this journey. Spend time with positive, religious friends who influence you. Make prayer, the Quran, and remembrance your best friend, and supplicate to Allah to improve yourself and your family relationships. Insha’Allah, goodness will follow suit.

And Allah knows best.

[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Related

• How Can I Help My Mother Despite My Abusive Father?
• Obeying One’s Parents and Maintaining Ties of Kinship
• How Should I Uphold My Family Ties?
• Is It Permissible for My Husband to Cut Ties With His Abusive Parents?
• Is It Permissible for Me to Stop Talking to a Harmful Family Member?

Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Currently, he resides in the UK with his wife and is interested in reading and gardening.