How Should I Seek Guidance and Emotional Clarity If I Married Under Pressure?

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question

How should I seek guidance and emotional clarity if I am married under pressure but remain attached to someone else?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate.

The basis is to remain in your marriage and cultivate love and mercy within it. Knowledge empowers the believer to understand their rights and responsibilities. This is the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace).

The Right to Consent in Marriage

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) established that women have the right to approve their marriage. If a woman was previously married, her explicit verbal consent is required. If she was not previously married, her approval is still required — even if expressed through silence. [Bukhari; Muslim; Mawsuli, al-Ikhtiyar Sharh al-Mukhtar]

Even if parents exert pressure, the marriage ultimately concerns the woman herself. She has both the right to refuse and the responsibility before her Lord to make sound choices.

If parents applied encouragement, that is one thing. If they applied undue pressure, they bear responsibility for that. But once entered, the marriage is valid and has rights.

Cultivating Love and Mercy

Allah Most High says, “Among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them. And He placed between you love and mercy.” [Quran, 30:21]

Love and mercy are cultivated through kind acts, appreciation, gratitude, and the means of maintaining a healthy relationship. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) taught these means in detail.

At the same time, one should strive to move on from any prior emotional attachment.

The Wisdom of Letting Go

If the previous relationship is unlikely to be fulfilled, it is important to accept what Allah has facilitated and make the most of it. Often, individuals leave a marriage hoping to pursue a prior attachment — only to find that the other person was not serious, had moved on, or was unwilling to commit.

It has been related from the early Muslims, and these words are so profound that some wrongly attributed them to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace): “Whoever falls passionately in love, then restrains himself, then dies in that state — dies a martyr.”

Leaving what is displeasing to Allah or detrimental to one’s well-being, for the sake of Allah Most High, is a noble act. It is a sign of true faith and strength.

An Established Marriage Has Rights: Honor and Cultivate Them

Remember that an established marriage has rights. One honors it, cultivates it, and seeks Allah’s blessing in it. One lets go of what is not meant to be — and that letting go, for the sake of Allah, is itself a form of worship.

However, such situations are pastorally complex. Consult a local scholar or counselor who appreciates the Islamic considerations in marriage and relationships. Ongoing consultation can help provide clarity, support, and practical steps tailored to your circumstances.

And Allah knows best.

[Shaykh] Faraz Rabbani

Related

• If I Am Forced to Marry Someone, Must I Get a Divorce in Order to Marry Someone Else?
• Is a Marriage Valid If Done Under Family Pressure or Threats?
• What Is the Explanation of Consent of a Virgin and Non-Virgin in Marriage?

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a recognized specialist scholar in the Islamic sciences, having studied under leading scholars from around the world. He is the Founder and Executive Director of SeekersGuidance.

Shaykh Faraz stands as a distinguished figure in Islamic scholarship. His journey in seeking knowledge is marked by dedication and depth. He spent ten years studying under some of the most revered scholars of our times. His initial studies took place in Damascus. He then continued in Amman, Jordan.

In Damascus, he was privileged to learn from the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas. Shaykh Adib al-Kallas was renowned as the foremost theologian of his time. Shaykh Faraz also studied under Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi in Damascus. Shaykh Hassan is recognized as one of the leading Hanafi jurists of our era.

Upon completing his studies, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in 2007. His return marked a new chapter in his service to the community. He founded SeekersGuidance. The organization reflects his commitment to spreading Islamic knowledge. It aims to be reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible. This mission addresses both online and on-the-ground needs.

Shaykh Faraz is also an accomplished author. His notable work includes “Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School,” published by White Thread Press in 2004, which is a significant contribution to Islamic literature.

His influence extends beyond his immediate community. Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been recognized as one of the 500 most influential Muslims. This recognition comes from the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center. It underscores his impact on the global Islamic discourse.

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani’s life and work embody a profound commitment to Islamic scholarship. His teachings continue to enlighten and guide seekers of knowledge worldwide.