What Does It Imply If I Have Said the Word 3 in a State of Frustration Outside of a Discussion of Divorce?

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question

I have a terrible habit of watching porn which I am ashamed of this filthy, and I am giving it up. One time I counted down the time for a video to load, which was pornographic, and I whispered 5… 4…3.. when I got to 3, I got a frustrating feeling. I have a problem; whenever I am frustrated, I get thoughts of divorce, this may be OCD, or it might have been a sudden thought that I don’t care if it’s kinaya.

It is saying the number 3 on its kinaya. Or it’s not kinaya even if someone has the intention.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

Divorce is officiated by pronouncing audibly one of two types of words: explicit words or implicit. Explicit words, such as “I divorce you,” take effect regardless of intention. Implicit words, such as “You’re free to go,” only take effect if there is a clear intention or circumstantial evidence of an intention.

Saying “3” may be an implicit pronouncement of divorce if that was your intention when saying it.

Explicit Words

Divorce is officiated by the audible pronouncement of words explicitly used to declare divorce. This type of word does not require an intention of divorce to take effect. [Maydani, al-Lubab fi Sharh al-Kitab]

Implicit Words

Divorce is also officiated by the audible pronouncement of words that are implicitly used to declare divorce. However, an actual or circumstantial intention of divorce is required for the divorce to take effect. [Ibid.]

Saying “3”

The word “3” is not an explicit word for divorce. It could, however, be an implicit word of divorce, especially since “3” relates to the maximum number of divorce pronouncements – if coupled with the intention of divorce.

In short, since it (3) is an implicit word of divorce, it is only considered a declaration of divorce if there was a clear intention of divorce at the time it was said. [Ibid.]

Words Not Related to Divorce

Counting down “5, 4, 3,…” is neither of the above two types of words, and it is not indicative of any intention associated with divorce, regardless of the emotion with which this word was said.

An example where “3” may become a declaration of divorce would be the following:

Husband: “If you continue to act this way, I may have to divorce you.”
Wife: “Do it! I dare you!”
Husband: “Alright then, I give you 3.”

From this, you can see how far your situation is from an actual declaration of divorce.

Dealing With Doubts Regarding Divorce

For anyone who understands the seriousness of divorce and the consequences of making light of it – it is highly unlikely for them to blurt out implicit words while intending divorce.

Waswasa and the Addictive Personality

The doubts you expressed and the details of your question, such as viewing pornographic content, are usually not mutually exclusive. It is quite common, from our experience, that those who have constant misgivings (waswasa) – whether in purification, prayer or divorce- have other tendencies and struggles.

Many a time, these are merely symptoms of a deeper issue. For example, trauma victims are more susceptible to these same issues, namely waswasa and addictive or compulsive behavior.

Take Away Advice

In closing, I would recommend three pieces of advice(s):

• Strive to repent to Allah the Most Merciful with sincere remorse and truthfulness. This will help clear the slate and repair some of the damages of pornography on one’s relationship with Allah Most High.
• Seek knowledge. In general, having a firm foundation in the Sacred sciences that pertain to your day-to-day life and religious practice brings about great clarity and understanding of the religion.
• Seek counseling. Although there is a lot of stigma around seeking therapy/counseling, it has many benefits.

I pray that these three pieces of advice assist you in overcoming the challenges you face and help you in your relationship with Allah Most High.

Hope this helps
Allah knows best

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he then completed four years at the Darul Uloom seminary in New York where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences. He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he stayed for three years studying in Dar Al-Mustafa under some of the greatest scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib. In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Qur’an and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Qur’anic exegesis, Islamic history, and a number of texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.