How Can I Convince My Mother to Accept My Marriage to a Converted Brother?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Is my marriage valid if my fiancé recently reverted to Islam? How can I convince my mother to consider the marriage?

Answer

Thank you for your question. Yes, your marriage to him is valid if he converts to Islam. Please pray istikhara on this before making your decision.

Convincing Mother

Once your istikhara is positive, tell your mother that what matters most in marriage is faith, piety, and character. Allah (Most High) has told us in the Quran,

“Indeed, the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.” [Quran, 49:13]

Remind her that you are choosing him for religion. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari; Muslim] This applies to both genders.

Ask her to consider this advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said to the guardians of women:

“When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (the charge) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (fitna) in the land and abounding corruption (fasad).” [Tirmidhi]

Companions

Remind her that all the companions of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) were converts, including great figures like the caliph ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab and Khalid ibn al-Walid. A convert often chooses Islam with deep sincerity despite the many challenges, while some born Muslims take their faith for granted. Assure her that he is willing to learn and apply Islam in his family life.

Tips

• Arrange a meeting between your mother and him so she can get to know him, and give her time.
• Find an elder or imam to vouch for him and address her concerns.
• Show her other successful examples of girls who have married converts.
• Show patience in this process, and don’t get angry.
• Keep in mind that you only need your father’s permission to marry, but it would be much better to have your mother’s
• Be ready to stay or walk away if your parents refuse or if they are making it too difficult, or if the istikhara is negative.
• Make dua for guidance, ease, and for what is best for you.
• Please show your fiance the link below so he can start his journey to sacred knowledge.

Please see many more answers on this here:

• Reader on Parents Rejecting Suitors for Marriage
• New to Islam Reader: A Trusted Collection of Resources for Converts

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.