Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am having a hard time dealing with my sexual desires. I am still in school, two years behind in my education, as I had to repeat when I was a little kid. I can’t make friends due to insecurities. I opened up to my family about my issues, but they haven’t been able to help me at all. I want to distract myself with gym, cycling, hobbies, and skill development.
Sadly, my parents aren’t enlightened to support me. I live in a third-world country, and finding a part-time job with a decent income is hard. I don’t think my parents will allow me to work to support my hobbies either. Marriage is probably out of the question. Somehow I am at a dead end. I remain optimistic, but I do not know what to do.
May Allah reward you for seeking a permissible means to distract yourself and conquer your desires. I pray that you find the means to marry soon and find a balance in your life.
The best tool you have is supplication and dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Ask Allah Most High profusely for ease and tranquillity, and pray that He facilitates marriage for you with the right person at the right time. Also, when the thoughts of lust and desire come to you, cut them off with focused dhikr, which will slow down your desire. You can say several formulas of remembrance, and of course, Quran is the greatest dhikr.
Additionally, keep doing what you are doing in terms of hobbies, good habits, and so forth, and make a concerted effort to make friends. Our religion is social, and people need to have friends to lean on one another, distract each other from hardships and lighten up the atmosphere for one another.
Some of the best practical solutions for dealing with lust are in these links:
Controlling Sexual Desires When Marriage Is “Put on Hold”
How Do I Deal with My Heavy Desire for Sex as a Teenager?
How Can I Deal With My Sexual Urges If I Don’t Want to Marry?
Desires while waiting for marriage
How Do Students With No Money Deal With Sexual Urges?
How Should a Young Man Control His Sexual Urges and Desires?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.