Desires while waiting for marriage
Question: I am 27 years old from India and currently preparing for civil services. From this Ramadan, Allah has guided me a lot. I have stopped listening to music, watching tv, and looking at explicit content. I was in a relationship, but when I learned anything before nikah is haram, I have stopped it. Now my parents want to wait until I qualify for my exam, i.e., another 6 months, to get married. I don’t want to indulge in any haram, but I miss having a companion and want to get married as soon as possible. What should I do?
Thank you for your question. Congratulations on your recent transformation and your desire to stay away from the haram. This is truly a gift from Allah that can’t even be measured.
Try these steps to curb your urges until you are married. Be grateful that it is only six months, as many Muslims have to wait longer or unable to marry altogether.
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry should marry because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e., his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and whoever is not able to marry should fast, as fasting diminishes; his sexual power.“ [Bukhari]
Fast at least twice a week, according to the prophetic advice, you will think about your dinner instead of your desires. Always keep away from images of women and lower your gaze from them in real life, too. See these links for excellent advice on controlling sexual urges:
Good company and hobbies
Another excellent outlet is friends. Good religious friends are so important in times like this; they give you relief from stress, you can talk to them, pray with them, you can invite them for food, or go to their place. They can be a man’s best remedy. Please reach out to some God-fearing people you know and initiate some socializing; it will go a long way in sha Allah.
Also, take up a beneficial hobby or skill to keep you busy in your free time. Exercise every day and get some fresh air in nature. Even better, get together with friends to be active or play a sport.
Turn to Allah
Last but not least, make du`a. Allah is the All-hearing, All-Knowing. Get up before fajr, and ask Allah to help you be patient. Pray the Prayer of Need and tahajjud before dawn and read Qur’an every day with the meaning. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, told us, “When half of the night or two-thirds of it is over. Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak.“ [Muslim]
May Allah make it easy for you and guide you through this in a way that is beloved to Him and best for this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.