Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am 28 years old and studying and working. I’ve been in depression and anxiety for almost four years. The depression comes and goes, but I’ve never seen a doctor. One day, I argued with my ex-boyfriend, I had to submit my research progress the next day, and I had a new task for my job.
I was so stressed that my head would explode; my heart was lost, in pain, depressed and anxious. I suddenly found a youtube video about reverting to Islam. I reflected and felt sad and ashamed because I was born Muslim but not practicing it. I felt like a terrible sinful person.
I realized my heart was dark, empty, and full of worldly love. Alhamdulillah, I returned to Allah the next day, repented, and tried to pray five times and make dua. My chest is still heavy, but I ask for Allah’s forgiveness and guidance. Then I made up my mind and broke up with my boyfriend. He was shocked because he was saving up money for our marriage. I felt guilty, but I told him I had left you for Allah. If Allah wills, we will reunite. I asked him to ask Allah’s forgiveness and learn more about Islam.
Did I make the right decision? I cut off my connection with him, blocked him on all social media, and deleted all pictures. I hope Allah will guide me and show me the way. Now, I’m slowly improving myself, reading, gaining Islamic knowledge, reading the Quran, and listening to dhikr to ease my mind and heart. What is your opinion about this?
Sister, I am overjoyed at your accomplishments. You have done the right thing by leaving your boyfriend. You were pulling yourself down by doing this, and now you can see clearly and start climbing in your religion.
I pray that Allah eases this transition for you. Cutting off your boyfriend was not easy, and I pray that you can find a suitable religious spouse, maybe even him, if he changes. I guarantee you that for anything that you have left for the sake of Allah, Allah will give you something better in its place.
Do take a free course at Seekers on personally obligatory knowledge and learn more about the Prophet’s life and purification of the heart. All of the stress in your life led you to this, and it shows me that Allah wants you close to Him. I pray that you have every tawfiq in this world and the next.
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[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.