I am unable to marry the man I love

Question: A few years back, a boy proposed, so we talked, and he had a place in my heart. My family rejected the proposal, and I am unable to stop thinking about him. I feel sad and can’t replace him with anyone else, and if I get married to someone else, I would not be doing justice to my husband as I already love someone else. What should I do so that Allah fulfills my wish and bless me with the person I want.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question.  I empathize with your pain and feeling of helplessness. You were getting to know this brother for marriage, but it didn’t work out.

Pain

Although you feel that your heart is broken and you can never love your husband, I guarantee that you will get over this. Pain is complicated, and it takes time to mend a broken heart.

Turn to Allah

Channel your pain into du`a and ask Allah to fill your heart with love of Him and worship of Him and dhikr of Him so that your pain dwindles and doesn’t leave a trace. Fulfill all of your obligations to Him and pray the Prayer of Need before dawn, when Allah is looking for people who are asking to answer their prayers:

The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “When half of the night or two-third of it is over, Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak. [Muslim]

Don’t let this overpower you.

Boy-girl relationships are very complex, and it is complicated to see clearly through the cloud of pain and broken hearts. Put all of your efforts into taking care of yourself and distracting yourself with good things and good people. Exercise, eat healthily, take Vitamin D, see your friends and family who are a good influence, get involved in charitable organizations with your time and money. Spend your free time in learning and worship, or hobby and beneficial activity. Take charge of your pain, and don’t let it control you.

Most importantly, remember this prophetic hadith: “Wondrous are the ways of a believer for it is good in every affair of his, and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer. If he has an occasion to feel delighted, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it.“ [Muslim]

May Allah rewards you tremendously for following the correct steps for getting married, and may he bless your union with the perfect suitor for you. Please see these articles about preparing for marriage and taking a marriage course before you endeavor on such a big matter.
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/marriage-in-islam-a-reader/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/how-do-i-get-over-feelings-for-someone-who-got-engaged-to-someone-else/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.