What Can I Do as a Women Whose Husband Is Unable to Be Intimate?

Shafi'i Fiqh

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My husband has health problems and is unable to make love to me. I read that masturbating is haram.

What should I do?

Answer

I am very sorry that your husband is unable to be intimate, this causes a great strain on a marriage and requires a huge sacrifice on your part.

Medically

First, I would do everything possible in the medical field to help my husband. Has he tried everything that his doctor told him? What does the doctor say about sexual activity? In what kind of time frame will he recover? Is he open to other forms of alternative medicine, such as acupuncture or homeopathy? I have personal experience that these are both very effective.

Another Way

While you wait for your husband to improve or recover, your husband can please you using his hand and bring you to orgasm. You certainly cannot use your own. In the Shafi`i school, oral sex is permissible, if that is something you are both comfortable with: Is It Permissible To Perform Oral Sex to One’s Wife? [Shafi’i School]

Some find it easier to bring a woman to orgasm with their mouth because of the natural lubrication.

A Delicate Matter

Nothing shatters a man’s confidence more than being unable to please his wife. Please be gentle, kind, and laughingly cute the whole time, not placing any pressure on him. If you take any other approach you won’t get what you want. Be active yourself so that your excitement stimulates him.

Resort to Fasting

If you are having a hard time with it or he is not able to accommodate you frequently enough, then you should try fasting once or twice a week. This helps to reduce one’s desire and gets you thinking about your dinner instead of your bed.  Turn to Allah to sort out this situation for you, pray the Prayer of Need, and pray tahajjud. Allah is always there to answer your prayers.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.