Can I Marry a Shopkeeper’s Son?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am 17 and used to miss prayers and not cover. Then last month, I went to a store in niqab (to please my mother) with her and noticed a handsome employee who told me, the cloth will arrive by tonight if only you allow me to message you, I will forward the pictures. I realized he was being well-mannered to ask my permission because I covered my face. I saw him at the shop again and started having feelings for him. He is in college and works with his dad at his shop. My mom calls him decent, responsible, well-brought-up, and loyal. Now I cry and pray to Allah Most High to marry him.
I haven’t missed a prayer since I met him. He has transformed me. How do I tell my parents when they think I am too young to marry? They want me to study in Europe, but I don’t want to go. I want to marry him. I never dated but got many proposals. This boy doesn’t know my face or name, and I never talked to him personally. I want my dad to meet him to discuss marriage, but I have an older single sister. I don’t even know if I will see him again.
Answer
I am pleased that you weren’t involved in dating and are saving time and energy for your future husband. It’s a beautiful (obligatory) quality that many are lacking these days. May Allah Most High reward you. Also, I commend you for not missing prayers and covering your duties to Allah Most High. This is the best way to live your life, and Insha Allah, the best way to enter a marriage.
It is an incredible thing when you first get feelings for a man. It washes over you like a torrent, and you can’t think about anything else. The thrill and excitement are barely containable. I daresay that this is what you are going through right now. The best thing is to restrain yourself and consider the proper steps. Certain moments are worth the wait.
Suppose you want to go with this, you must bring it up with your parents. They can make it move forward or not at all. Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking guidance for a week first about pursuing this man. Is the timing right? Is this worth pursuing? Allah may direct you to the positive or negative, and you should act accordingly. Your sister being single is not relevant; most people these days understand that they cannot do their children’s marriages in order of birth.
If you feel positive, tell your parents, assuring them that you still plan to study while you are married. If they disagree, you should probably let the idea settle and give them time. Perhaps time will change things, or maybe you will change your mind. You are very young, and choosing someone might be a little early, especially considering you don’t know his personality yet. You can pray istikhara again if you feel that you need more guidance. As you said, your dad can make the first step of speaking to his father.
If you feel negative about it, then you should drop the idea and follow your original plans. I pray you can complete your education, but be careful of going far away; it can be difficult on your own. Walking away from someone can be painful, but thankfully, you are not emotionally attached to the guy, only to the idea of being with this person. May Allah give you the best in this world and the next.
Please see these excellent articles on a similar situation:
I Am in Love with Someone Who Does Not Love Me. What Do I Do?
In Love
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
