How Can I Convince My Spouse That Taunting Me for Past Mistakes Is Wrong?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
How can I help my spouse understand that repeatedly taunting me about a past mistake, despite having forgiven me, is harmful and un-Islamic?
Answer
Thank you for your question. It is sufficiently wicked and low for a spouse to taunt the other for past sins/mistakes and is contrary to the loving kindness and affection that is due in an Islamic marriage.
Best to Wife
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Ibn Maja]
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A true believer does not taunt or curse or abuse or talk indecently.“ [Tirmidhi]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also said, “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” [Ibn Maja]
And the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever harms others, Allah will harm him, and whoever causes hardship to others, Allah will cause hardship to him. [Abu Dawud]
The hadith about not harming other believers is boundless, so how should it be when it concerns one’s spouse, with whom one shares a solemn covenant [Quran 4:21]
Patience and Knowledge
I encourage you and your spouse to build a life of mutual compassion and mercy together. Start by making sincere dua for change and exerting patience with your spouse’s petty behavior. Encourage one another to increase in knowledge, learn the sunna, and read the Quran and its tafsir (exegesis) regularly.
Strive to emulate the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) in his excellence of character and surround yourselves with families who have pious character. Pray together when you can, and when the spouse taunts or makes fun, don’t get angry, make dhikr instead. Do communicate openly about how it hurts you. I am certain that Allah will place love and compassion in your hearts so that ridiculing the other will be the furthest thing from your minds.
Please see these links as well:
- Taunt From Family, Obedience to Parents, and Games
- Should I Leave My Rude Husband or Continue to Be Patient?
- How Should You Deal with Someone Who Is Unjust and Disrespectful to You?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
