How Do I Respond to In-Laws Who Criticize My Social and Domestic Skills?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Despite my efforts, my in-laws are unhappy with my social and household skills. They see my need for alone time as laziness, and their comments have hurt me. How should I respond to this situation?

Answer

Thank you for your question. The best way to respond to anyone criticizing you is gentleness, patience, perseverance and living your life to please Allah Most High.

Boundaries

Be respectful but firm. Kindly set boundaries and communicate that your need for rest or alone time doesn’t mean laziness; if they don’t understand, it’s okay. Seek your husband’s help to mediate and defend you, and continue doing your best for the sake of Allah, the Creator, not the created. Make dua for patience and strength, and know their words do not define your worth. Your effort is seen by Allah, and you will be rewarded for every atom’s weight by His grace.

Allah Most High has told us in the Quran,

“So whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it. And whoever does an atom’s weight of evil will see it.” [Quran, 99:7-8]

That being said, here is a practical tip: Turn the narrative around and ask your in-laws to teach you how to run things better domestically. They will be pleasantly surprised by your request and will teach you and eventually become your friends in sha Allah. Remind them that you all are on the same team. Better communication all around will improve things.

Dua

Make this dua regularly and try to come up with a long-term plan for living with your in-laws in peace. Perhaps take a course, a part-time job, or volunteer outside the home.

اللَّهُمَّ أَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِنَا وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلاَمِ وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّورِ وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِي أَسْمَاعِنَا وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوبِنَا وَأَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ وَاجْعَلْنَا شَاكِرِينَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ مُثْنِينَ بِهَا قَابِلِيهَا وَأَتِمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا.

“O Allah, join our hearts, mend our social relationship, guide us to the path of peace, bring us from darkness to light, save us from obscenities, outward or inward, and bless our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our wives, our children, and relent toward us; Thou art the Relenting, the Merciful. And make us grateful for Thy blessing and make us praise it while accepting it, and give it to us in full.” [Abu Dawud]

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May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.