Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I tried to pursue marriage with a girl, but it didn’t work out. Now I’m left heartbroken and wondering what the wisdom was behind it as this happened after going on umrah. Am I supposed to accept the loss and move on? Is it wrong for me to perhaps hope that she’ll come back and will have changed her mind on the things we disagreed about?
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your sadness and frustration, but you really should move on and pray that Allah sends a perfect match for you.
Allah Most High has told us in His book, “So, surely with hardship comes ease. Surely with [that] hardship comes [more] ease.[Quran, 94, 5-6] I know that it can seem like a mountain to climb when you feel that the perfect girl has rejected you, but you must have complete trust and submission to Allah’s will that a better girl is meant for you. You will feel much better in every way if you leave her in the past and pray for a better-suited girl to come along. Don’t harp on discovering the wisdom behind it, as that will become clear with time, in sha Allah.
In the meantime, there is a lot that you can do. Take a course on marriage to learn your rights and responsibilities. Take other courses on Islam to increase your knowledge of religion, which will make you a better husband and father. Exercise, eat healthily, learn useful skills, serve your parents, save up some money, or volunteer for charity. Make a habit of refining your worship, making supplication in the last third of the night, and building your relationship with Allah and His book.
Please use the following resources to help you move on:
Should I Move on from Marrying a Girl My Family Does Not Approve of, or Do I Keep Hoping in Allah?
I Found Someone to Marry, but She Rejected Me. I Want to Become More Religious
Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.