What Is the Value of a Marriage If a Wife Is Told She Is Replaceable?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Is the wife or the husband’s family considered his immediate family in Islam? How should a wife respond to being told she is replaceable, and does this affect the value of marriage?

Answer

Thank you for your question. A man’s immediate family includes his wife and children, and his parents and siblings.

Quran

How does Allah speak about marriage in His book?

Allah (Most High) says, “And of His signs is that He created for you wives from yourselves that you might find tranquility in them, and He set between you love and affection. In this, are signs for people who reflect.” [Quran, 30:21]

And He refers to marriage as “a solemn covenant” [Quran, 4:21]

And He often mentions kindness in marriage: He says to the husbands, “Live with them in kindness,” [4:19], and, “Give them their dowry in kindness,” [4:25] And in the case of separation, “Keep them honorably, or release them in kindness,” [2:229] Allah (Most High) also warns husbands, “House them in your own homes, according to your means. And do not harass them, to make life intolerable for them.” [65:6]

A wife’s piety is mentioned as well, “So virtuous women are humbly obedient, guarding in absence what Allah would have them guard.” [Quran, 4:34]

And the most beautiful metaphor is used for a married couple, “They are a garment for you and you are a garment for them.” [Quran, 2:187]

Marriage is meant to be wrapped up in goodness, excellence, mutual understanding, protection, support, and love. This is evident from the prophetic marriages as an example for us.

Replaceable

This is not something that any wife wants to hear, but I encourage you not to label your marriage as having no value. Rather, this points toward the need for open communication, effort, trying new solutions, and patience all around.

I encourage you to see these links. Make dua, apply the advice to the best of your ability, pray tahajjud and the prayer of need, and know that a happy marriage only happens with much effort and sacrifice. Try to glean advice from others in successful marriages.

Course Suggestions:

• Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
• Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage

Answer Suggestions:

• Istikhara Prayer
• Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)
• Resolving Conflict Between Husband and Wife
• Will Allah Forgive Me For Fighting With My Husband?
• Should I Divorce My Husband If All We Do Is Argue?
• Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

Book Suggestions:

• Chapman, G: Five Love Languages Revised Edition
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
• The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace
• Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage

Article Suggestions:

• What Makes A Marriage Work – Shaykh Hamza Yusuf
• 25 Years’ Worth of Marriage Advice: Hina Khan-Mukhtar

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.