Question: I am a 27-years-old and did a nikah a few months back. My family approached her family through a matrimony site and were satisfied as she was hijabi and seemed pious and simple. After nikah, I spent a month with her, and she was wonderful, and I felt I was living a dream. I left her with my parents, but she couldn’t join me as planned due to COVID restrictions. Recently she confided in me that she was in contact with a non-Muslim man with whom she had committed every major sin. She assured him that she was marrying only for her parent’s happiness and that she would return to him within a few years after divorcing me. Now she came to me and confessed everything and asked me to save her from him. She told me that after our engagement that Allah changed her mind, and she told him every possible lie so he would leave her alone. Now she is seeking my forgiveness and says she will die if I leave her and go. I am lost, and I don’t know what to do at all. I don’t know what to say to satisfy that guy. If I leave her, I will be the reason for a person going to hell. I truly love her, and my heart says to give her a chance, but this guy is not letting us live.
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration at this baggage that your wife has brought into the marriage; however, rest assured that you can work through it.
Disclosing a past sin is impermissible.
The truth is that it was sinful for her to tell you this, even if she was well-intentioned. Allah has mandated for past sins to be kept hidden, especially if the sinner has repented. Abu Hurayra, Allah be pleased with him, reports that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “All my Community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such, while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under cover of Allah, and they rendered Allah’s covering from themselves in the morning.” [Bukhari and Muslim]
However, now that the truth has been uncovered, I advise that you be patient, kind, and understanding. Accept her repentance because it is good enough for Allah. Is it good enough for you? Anas, Allah be pleased with him, heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, say, “Allah the Almighty said, ‘O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me; I would forgive you. O son of Adam were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.‘“ [Tirmidhi]
Look ahead and establish good marital habits.
Don’t look to the past, but rather, focus on her good character, manners, and Islam. Develop a strong bond in these early days and develop marital good habits. Pray with her, wake her for the night prayer (tahajjud), and the morning prayer (fajr). Fast together, read books together, take trips together, exercise together. Most importantly, take a course on personally obligatory knowledge in Islam together. By the grace of Allah, having children will also strengthen your bond with her and increase your confidence, trust, and admiration in her.
Increase in knowledge and apply it
I recommend that you take the following courses with your wife on SeekersGuidance to guide you through this marriage.
–Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
-Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
In short, don’t lose your wife because of mistakes in the past. Your Lord helped you to remain chaste, but it does not make you superior to her. Her rank with Allah may still be higher than another virgin girl who has bad character, is arrogant, and does not repent for anything she says or does. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Nothing is heavier upon the scale of the believer on the Day of Resurrection than good character. Verily, Allah hates the vulgar, obscene person.” [Tirmidhi]I leave you with this hadith to contemplate: Abu Hurairah, Allah be pleased with him) said, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, ‘By the One in Whose Hand my soul is! If you do not commit sins, Allah will replace you with a people who would commit sins and seek forgiveness from Allah; and Allah will certainly forgive them.‘“ [Muslim]
Is It Wrong to Want a Virgin and a Pious Wife?
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.