How Do I Convince My Father Not to Stay with His Ex-Wife’s Family?
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
My parents’ marriage ended before I was born, but my father stayed with his ex-wife’s family since the ’90s, relying on social security after early retirement without savings. His options are: (1) move to Pakistan and live comfortably on US social security, (2) I help pay his rent, risking my finances, or (3) get a two-bedroom apartment and move him in. I don’t want to live with him to heal emotionally. Does his decision to stay with his ex-wife, which I consider haram, impact my obligation to help? Thank you.
Answer
I hope you are in good health and faith. Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you in this world and the Next for your service to your parents, especially your father, in this way.
It is wrong of your father to stay with his ex-wife in this way. Speak to him with wisdom that it is better for him to move out and retire in Pakistan. You would like to continue to help financially, but it is affecting your own circumstances. However, in the meantime, continue along with your siblings, if you have any, until you find a compromising situation.
Best of Believers Serve Parents
Ka‘b ibn Malik reported: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) was asked, “Which of the people is best?” The Prophet said, “A believer in the service of two noble parents.” [Tabarani, al-Mu‘jam al-Kabir]
Due to the sensitive nature of this situation, I recommend consulting with trusted, knowledgeable scholars and practising, wise individuals who understand the dynamics of family and community in your country.
I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. In sha Allah, you will receive guidance and direction.
Related
- Filial Piety: Being Dutiful Towards One’s Parents
- How Can I Guide My Parents to the Right Path?
- Who Is Responsible for Caring for Parents?
Why not begin your search for knowledge by signing up for a course on SeekersAcademy (seekersguidance.org), such as those offered in the Islamic Studies Curriculum (seekersguidance.org), and build your way up, completing each course as you progress?
I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.
