How Can I Deal With the Pain of Being Used and Dropped?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I met someone at university and was instantly drawn towards him. We were friends and we started becoming closer and he insisted that we become physical. Even though he didn’t force me, he really pushed me into it. This happened a couple of months after we were just friends. For some time, it was nice but after a while, he lost interest and started being distant. From that point on, our relationship was very toxic. We rarely got along, he became selfish and I became needier for his attention.

It was so hard for me to let go and one day finally I let go because he was getting married. He used me for his purposes and now he acts like I don’t even exist. What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that you were completely used and betrayed by this person but I pray that this will guide you to become closer to Allah and never repeat these mistakes.

Repent

The best kind of healing is to turn to the one who always loves you and only wants the best for you. That is your Merciful Lord, and I urge you to take steps to completely forget about this person, delete all of your connections with him, and immerse yourself in what you were created for.

Allah Most High says, “I have not created jinn nor mankind other than to worship Me.” [Quran, 51:56] Repent for your sins, and know that sincere repentance has very high value with Allah Most High. The Messenger of Allah, (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin.“ [Ibn Majah]

Gain Knowledge

Gaining knowledge and dedicating yourself to bettering your life, your decisions, what you choose to keep yourself occupied with, is the best way to get over this man. Please take steps by praying on time, reading Quran daily with the meaning, even if only a little, taking free courses here at Seekers, learning your personally obligatory knowledge, reading books that benefit you, and most of all surrounding yourself with pious positive people that bring out the best in you.

Try these books:
SeekersGuidance Essential Reading List For Every Muslim’s Bookshelf

Gender Interaction

Please protect yourself in the future, and don’t go near men. Don’t hang out with them, don’t talk to them, and don’t speak to any man unnecessarily. Guard your modesty around men that you must speak to. No man has a right to get to know you unless he is proposing to you. Many men out there are filthy, and you should protect yourself as best you can. This is better for you and will make you happier. The gender interaction rules of Islam are in place for the betterment of society, and the protection of families and individuals. Trust in Allah, you will get through this, and you will grow a lot from this.

Please see the answers in this link as well:
A Reader On Gender Interaction

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani