Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
When my parents want me to massage their feet or sit with them, they often have a TV show in the background with free mixing, women not in hijab, music, and captivating stories. I’m trying to stay away from that. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, do I have to leave the room, or can I stay, or do I come back later? Would it be disrespectful if I turned off the TV against their wishes? They would probably get mad.
Also, my mother is completely opposed to me getting a menstrual cup, but I want one, and I read that it is permissible. Do I have to obey her? If I get one, she will get very angry with me. Can I use one behind her because it’s my choice, not hers?
Thank you for your question. May Allah Most High reward you for aiming to please Him, being scrupulous in your religion, and asking before acting.
TV With Family
I understand that you are dealing with your family’s habits while trying to change your own. However, it would be a bad idea to turn off your parent’s television if they will get furious, and it is disrespectful. Instead, turn your back to the TV while you massage your mom’s feet and encourage conversation. If they don’t feel like talking, just put on headphones and listen to a lesson or Islamic song while you are massaging her. These things will get easier with time, by the grace of Allah, as they start to understand how seriously you take your religion and that you are respectful about it.
Your mother’s view on disallowing a menstrual cup is understandable. In the Hanafi school, it is disliked for a virgin to insert anything in her private parts, and it is unlawful if proved harmful. It would entail great disrespect to disobey your mother on this point because she is asking you to refrain from something disliked. You can use them after marriage in sha Allah without any dislike. Hang in a little longer with respecting and listening to your parents, and eventually, in sha Allah, you will have the freedom to govern all of your choices.
Allah Most High has told us in His book, “For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honor your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never tell them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully. And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.” [Quran, 17:23-24]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.