Can I Marry without My Mother’s Permission If My Father Agrees?

Shafi'i Fiqh

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I insisted that my parents look for someone I know who is practicing and of good character for me. He is from a different culture. Alhamdulillah everyone in my family (including my father) is happy to look into this proposal besides my mother, due to the cultural differences, which wasn’t an issue for her before.

I have insisted that they meet him. And if after meeting him, they feel he isn’t fit for the family because of his level of religion, what should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, but you have done exactly the right thing, and you should follow through with what you say, and make dua.

Consideration

The best thing that your family can do is meet him and give him full and fair consideration for marriage. Pray istikhara all the while, and let the man speak for himself when he meets them. Be prepared for him to be accepted or rejected and try not to get emotionally attached. You are marrying for religion, so don’t insist that he is the one, because of what Allah Most High has told us in His book, “(…) Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” [Quran, 2:216]

Permission

You don’t need your mother’s permission to marry someone, only your father’s permission, but marrying someone without her permission can be very difficult, and make the whole experience unhappy. Sometimes, it just isn’t worth it. So be open and honest with your parent, as it seems you already are, and trust in Allah in every step. Supplicate to Him to send you what is best for you and to accompany it with your parents’ blessing, happiness, and consent.

Related:
Why Did My Parents Reject My Potential Suitor?
What Should I Do About Stubborn Parents Who Refuse My Potential Suitor?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.