Should My Parents Sit Outside the Door While I Consummate My Marriage?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I have been engaged since I was a child. But now that I’ve grown I have been asking questions about what to expect. My sister said that during the wedding night both sets of parents are outside the door while the husband and bride consummate the marriage.
This does not seem like an Islamic thing but a cultural thing. Is there anything I can tell my parents so they understand that it’s not okay?
Thank you for your question. You are correct, it is not Islamic, but rather a strange cultural practice that should be ceased.
Consummation is something private that occurs between husband and wife, and there is no need for anyone to witness anything of it. It would be futile anyways to sit outside the room on the wedding night, because a couple may not consummate that night. Customarily, a couple consummates their marriage, and thereafter holds a wedding feast (walima), but scholars have mentioned that it can be held before consummation as well.
See the details here:
When Should a Walima Take Place?
Is It Recommended to Have the Walima after Consummating the Marriage?
Advising Your Parents
If you are trying to convince your parents of this, then you should have them speak to a scholar or imam, because they will listen to him. They may not take it well from you. Also, your husband has the full right to stop them from this foolishness and request they do not invade his privacy. This type of thing was never taught to us by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), and they should adhere to Islamic standards and not culture.
Please see these links about advising parents:
Is Giving Advice to Parents Disobeying to Them?
How Can I Guide My Parents to the Right Path?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.