What Does Islam Teach About Understanding One’s Husband?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Question

Can you explain how men think, how male psychology works, and how a husband relates to his wife in marriage?

Answer

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

A strong marriage is built by working on your own character, rather than trying to figure out your spouse’s psychology.

The Quran gives clear advice for husbands: live with your wife in kindness. It’s more useful to pay attention to how a man treats his wife and how he communicates, rather than just how he thinks.

Gentleness First

Let me share a thought as a brother, not as a criticism. The SeekersGuidance Answers service is a free guidance service; it is not possible to give a full study or detailed commentary on a broad topic such as “male psychology in Islam” in a single answer.

We have courses for this. More importantly, the way we ask questions often shows what we are really looking for.

A husband who asks instead of demands, and who is gentle rather than expecting, already understands more about marriage than any explanation of male psychology could offer. Begin with this: ask kindly, give generously, and do not expect to be waited on.

The Husband’s Approach

Allah (Most High) says, “And treat them fairly” [Quran, 4:19], and also, “and live with them in kindness” (‘ashiruhunna bil-ma’ruf), which means to act in every way that is recognized as good.

This is the standard for a husband: speak gently, be patient with faults, show generosity, and put your wife’s comfort before your own.

When it comes to strength, which men often value, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The strong man is not the one who overcomes people by his strength, but the strong man is the one who controls himself at the time of anger” [Bukhari; Muslim].

The strength a wife truly needs is a husband who controls his temper, not one who forces his will.

Principle and Practical Guidance

The main principle is that marriage is made stronger and healed by your own good character above all else. Ask kindly, treat your wife with kindness, and show your strength by being patient and self-controlled. If you do this, everything else will fall into place.

And Allah (Most High) knows best.

[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

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Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), where he taught.

Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Shaykh Muhammad Awama, Shaykh Muhammad Hasan Hitu, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.

He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has been the Director of the Discover Islam Centre, and for six years, he has been the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.

Shaykh Irshaad has fifteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic podcast, education, and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy Prophetic living and fitness.