Is It Permissible to Cut Off a Relative Who Constantly Causes Harm?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question

Is it permissible to cut off a relative who constantly causes harm?

Answer

I pray you are well.

Assessing the Harm

Harm needs to be assessed. Sometimes it is real and serious, such as physical harm, deep emotional pain, abuse, or situations that continuously worsen relationships, where people are always fighting and arguing, and family ties become a source of ongoing conflict.

If a relative is consistently causing harm, it may be permissible to stop communicating with them if doing so will prevent further conflict. It is better for people to be at peace, even if that means limited communication, than to remain in constant conflict.

The Default Is to Maintain Family Ties

Given the immense emphasis in Islam on maintaining family ties, one should not completely cut relatives off unless the person is actively harming you and there is genuinely no way around the harm.

Gradual Steps Before Cutting Contact

The first step is to minimize contact. Do not visit them often. If you live with them, you can move out. If they come to your home and it continues to cause harm, then ask for space.

It is also essential to be clear. Sometimes people who harm others take advantage of the victim’s decency and assume nothing explicit will be said. In that case, be open and say that what they are doing is causing you pain, and ask them to stop.

Another critical step is to emotionally distance yourself. Do not share personal matters or deeper issues with them, and do not become close in a way that exposes you to harm. If they need help, then help them for the sake of Allah, to the extent that you will not be harmed. Beyond that, avoid closeness.

When Cutting Off Contact May Be Necessary

If you have tried everything, you have distanced yourself, and nothing works at all, and there is clear, direct, active harm, then ending contact may be the best option to prevent further harm. This may also apply if the contact is worsening matters for others.

However, in general, it is best to minimize contact so that you remain safe while not severing the tie completely. For example, if you see them briefly, you can greet them and keep the conversation brief, then leave. That way, there is still some contact.

Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began studying Arabic Grammar and Morphology whilst studying for a degree in English and History. After graduating, He traveled to Damascus and studied Arabic, Hanafi Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, and Logic with Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahman Arjan al-Binsawi, Shaykh Husayn Darwish, Shaykh Muhammad Darwish, the late Shaykh Rashad Shams, and others. He then moved to Amman to continue his studies in those fields, as well as in Tafsir, Quranic Sciences, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Prophetic Biography, Prophetic Perfections and Traits, Rhetoric, Arabic Literature, and Tajwid. His teachers include Shaykh Ali Hani, Dr. Hamza al-Bakri, Dr Salah Abu al-Hajj, Dr Mansur Abu Zina, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Shaykh Ahmad Jammal, and others.