Is It Sinful for a Woman to Believe It’s Naturally Impossible to Accept Her Husband Marrying Another?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question

Is it sinful for a woman to believe it’s naturally impossible to accept her husband marrying another?

Answer

I pray you are well.

It is not sinful for a woman to feel that it is naturally impossible for her to accept her husband marrying another wife. This falls under human nature and the differing temperaments with which Allah Most High has created people.

Example of Sayyida ‘Aisha

One of the greatest women of this umma, Sayyida ‘Aisha, the daughter of Sayyiduna Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, despite her immense knowledge, rank, and virtue, experienced ghayra (protective jealousy). She disliked the idea of sharing the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace).

On one occasion, another wife of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) came with a plate of food on Sayyida ‘Aisha’s night. Sayyida ‘Aisha became upset and broke the plate. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) simply told the other wife to get your own back. This shows that such ghayra is recognized and accommodated, and that these feelings in themselves are not sinful.

Sayyida ‘Aisha grew up in a society in which polygyny was common. Her own father had two wives, and the practice was widespread among the Arabs. Yet, even in that context, she still felt ghayra and discomfort.

Cultural Context and Emotional Difficulty

A woman who comes from a culture or community in which multiple marriages are not the norm, whether in parts of the Muslim world or in Western countries, is even more likely to feel uncomfortable or unable to accept it. This is expected, and there is no sin in such a response.

People from societies where polygyny is socially accepted and practically easy—such as the example of the brother from Nigeria, whose first wife was even looking for a suitable second wife for him—are generally more accustomed to it. This contrast highlights that such reactions differ from person to person and from society to society.

Divine Legislation and Underlying Wisdom

Polygyny has been legislated by Allah Most High for wisdom, even if these are not always apparent in every time and place. At times of war, for example, when many men are killed, and populations are diminished, allowing a man to marry more than one wife can become a means of caring for women and children and helping repopulate and stabilize society.

In general, legal rulings are framed to apply to the maximum number of people and circumstances, while mechanisms exist to handle exceptional situations.

With respect to marrying more than one wife, the Quran permits marrying two, three, or four, but then restricts this by stating that if one cannot be fair, then one must limit oneself to just one. From this, the jurists have stated that if a man knows he will not be fair and will wrong his wives, it is sinful and unlawful for him to marry more than one. The focus of sin, therefore, is on injustice and wrongdoing, not on a woman’s emotional difficulty.

Accordingly, if a woman feels great discomfort, pain, or an inability to accept the idea of her husband marrying another, she is not sinful for these feelings. This is part of being human and is normal.

And Allah Most High knows best.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began studying Arabic Grammar and Morphology whilst studying for a degree in English and History. After graduating, He traveled to Damascus and studied Arabic, Hanafi Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, and Logic with Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahman Arjan al-Binsawi, Shaykh Husayn Darwish, Shaykh Muhammad Darwish, the late Shaykh Rashad Shams, and others. He then moved to Amman to continue his studies in those fields, as well as in Tafsir, Quranic Sciences, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Prophetic Biography, Prophetic Perfections and Traits, Rhetoric, Arabic Literature, and Tajwid. His teachers include Shaykh Ali Hani, Dr. Hamza al-Bakri, Dr. Salah Abu al-Hajj, Dr. Mansur Abu Zina, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Shaykh Ahmad Jammal, and others.