Should I Leave My Husband Because of His Porn Addiction?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

I was shocked to find my husband, married for two years, watching porn. He’s struggled with it for years, feeling guilty and praying to stop. I feel heartbroken.

I’ve never rejected him, but I haven’t felt aroused since our wedding. I try to please him, but he loses interest if I don’t respond sexually.

He says his brain is wired this way, so he watches videos. I love him, but I worry things won’t change and that I can’t meet his needs.

I’m concerned he may hide his habit, and separation might be better since his needs aren’t met, and he might seek satisfaction elsewhere.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I trust you are well. Thank you for seeking guidance.

This is a positive step; he knows you are aware, and he has admitted his guilt, intentions, and efforts to stop. Both of you should sit down for an open conversation and explore ways to support and help him overcome this.

As you have mentioned, you love him and have been patient with him. Try once more, and leave separation as a last resort, although it can be mentioned in the discussion with wisdom.

Prophetic Reminder

Share this Prophet’s (Allah bless him and give him peace) advice with him and how he dealt with the situation, and it can be applied in a similar situation, as looking at others is similar in some ways.

Abu Umama (Allah be pleased with him) reported: A young man came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, give me permission to commit adultery.” The people turned to rebuke him, saying, “Quiet! Quiet!” The Prophet said, “Come here.” The young man approached, and the Prophet told him to sit down.

The Prophet asked, “Would you like that for your mother?” The man said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their mothers. Would you like that for your daughter?” The man said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their daughters. Would you like that for your sister?” The man said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.”

The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their sisters. Would you like that for your aunts?” The man said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet said, “Neither would people like it for their aunts.” Then the Prophet placed his hand on him and said, “O Allah, forgive his sins, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.” After that, the young man was never again inclined toward anything sinful. [Musnad Ahmad]

Marriage Counselling

Encourage your husband to rebuild his relationship with Allah and yourself, and find ways to suggest that he see a counselor, a local, reliable Imam, or a community member to help break the addiction and find a solution.

It was narrated from Ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Ibn Majah]

Remind him that a successful marriage is a mutually respectful one with the shared intention of pleasing Allah and working on it. Within this context, roles need to be recognized, and one needs to avoid displeasing Allah and destroying one’s own life, which can only lead to misery and guilt.

And Allah knows best.

[Mawlan] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Related Answers

How Do I Stop My Husband from Watching Pornography? Pornography addiction often signals a deeper spiritual and emotional imbalance. Encourage your husband to repent and rebuild his relationship with Allah, and suggest he see a counselor to help break the addiction.

Can I Divorce My Husband Who Is Addicted to Porn? – The reality is we live in an era of widespread pornography, exposing most young men and women before age 18. While devastating, this alone isn’t enough to annul your marriage.

Sleeping with My Porn-Addicted Husband Until He Stops? -A successful Islamic marriage is a respectful and loving partnership aimed at pleasing Allah. Your husband is failing to recognize his role in displeasing Allah by hurting you.

Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.