How Can I Get Rid of Thoughts of Being With the Same Gender When the Opposite Gender Has Always Harmed Me?

Question: I’m a teenage girl, and I keep thinking about having a sexual relationship with a woman, and I know it’s haram but are the thoughts haram? I have a fear of men since I was little; every man in my life has given me a bad experience and taken advantage of me even though they’re my family. I get PTSD when I think of men.


Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question.  I am so sorry for your pain and suffering, and I pray that you can rid yourself of this great sense of hurt and confusion when it comes to the opposite gender.


Please understand that you have been a victim, and you are stronger than you think you are. You are better than the people who abused you, and they will be called to a grievous account on Doomsday. Your best step forward is to heal, turn to Allah, increase your knowledge, and have constant remembrance (dhikr) of Him. Contact
a therapist or counselor to help you spell out your emotions and grow from them.

Ask Allah what you need because a victim’s supplications are always heard and answered by Allah’s promise. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “’Beware of the supplication of the oppressed; for indeed there is no barrier between it and Allah.“ [Tirmidhi]


Your thoughts about the same gender are understandable as some research has shown that one’s sexual orientation is affected by being abused as a child. However, I am afraid you cannot continue with these thoughts. Continuous thoughts like this that you don’t discard immediately are usually the first steps to resolve, intention, and sinful action. Please see the details being accountable for thoughts here:

Ask Allah

Once again, I ask that you contact a therapist or counselor or a mental health expert where you can speak freely and discuss the problem. Although there are many virtuous and pious men out there, I can’t convince you to trust men again unless it comes from your own healed heart. Ask Allah to guide you to the right resources and help you find a way out of this confusion and pain. I am certain that He will send you help and support. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.