Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am a 15-year-old who recently fell in love with a Christian girl. She has good character and believes in God. I have talked to her a few times on social media but have since realized that it is immoral because things can go out of hand. My only intention is to marry her with Allah’s blessing. I want to talk to her in person in public so we don’t do anything immoral.
Am I allowed to talk to her or not? I have watched countless videos about this and have concluded that 1) I should not talk to her in seclusion, 2) no flirting 3) no touching. Please help.
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for pristine and pure intention regarding this girl, and may He facilitate the best for you when the time is right.
Allah Most High refers to marriage as “a solemn covenant” [Quran, 4:21], and it is a contract in which both parties have rights and obligations.
The first step that one should take before marriage does not include talking to the girl that one has chosen. One should first take a course on marriage in Islam, as it is obligatory to know the rights of both parties before entering a marriage contract. One also must review or learn one’s personally obligatory fiqh beforehand.
After that, one must be in a financial position to support her, providing her with shelter, food, clothing, and all the other things that are due from him.
Additionally, he must seek permission from her father, as it is superior to speak to him first before getting to know her, and it is a great blessing and relief to get the permission of one’s own parents as well.
These are just a few of the steps that are needed before marriage, and I encourage you to fulfill these before you go ahead.
Please see these links for the resources you need.
Choice of Spouse
As for choosing which girl to pursue, I would suggest you pray istikhara on the matter, but only after you have fulfilled the above requirements. I also urge you to follow the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari; Muslim] Ask yourself if you are choosing this girl because she is good for your religion and will make an excellent mother, role model, and teacher for your children or whether it is for another reason.
I advise you to keep in mind this advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) until you do marry, “Marriage is part of my sunna, and whoever does not follow my sunna has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast, for it will diminish his desire.” [Ibn Majah]
Please See These Resources as Well
In Love but Too Young to Marry
How to Explain the Advantages of Marrying Young to My Family?
Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.