How to Maintain Healthy Relationship with My Mother?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My single mother and I have been affected by black magic for most of my life. I recently found an honest scholar and am finally dealing with the magic and other problems in my life. My relationship with my mother has been toxic as she has had a traumatic life, and I rebelled and was toxic back to her.

How do I maintain a minimum relationship with her and still be a good daughter in her eyes? I had to move out because we hurt each other tremendously. We were both violent, and I had lost my patience which I now regret. I am starting to turn to Allah at my own pace and want to make amends with my mother, my father, who lives out of town, and my relatives. But how? How to seek forgiveness and live a good decent life?

Answer

I empathize with your pain, sister, and I pray that Allah can lift you out of this and that you can reconcile with your mother.

Make Amends with Allah

The first step to making amends is to ask Allah for forgiveness. Make tawba to Him and show him that you are repentant by fulfilling your obligations to Him. He asks us to pray five times a day, pay zakat on time, keep away from the enormities of the tongue and respect our parents. It is worthwhile to take a free class at SeekersGuidance to learn one’s halal and haram. If you feel you have not given Allah His due right, turn to Him in tawba.

Check this reader on repentance:
A Reader on Tawba

Also, make du’a your tool, and ask Allah every day, especially before dawn, to help you and improve yourself. He listens and never abandons His believing servant. Keep close friends who support you and are religious and optimistic.

Make Amends with Your Mother

Start slowly by calling her once a week to check on her and ask her if she needs anything taken care of. Does she need a hot meal brought to her house? Does she need some shopping done? It is better to run an errand for her instead of spending time alone with her where things could escalate into a fight. If she gives you grief over the phone, keep the conversation short. She should feel that you have not forgotten about her or abandoned her.

The Rest of the Family

After things are better with her, contact your father and everyone else. Tell them that you care about them and you have made some mistakes. You can call relatives once a month to keep in touch and your father more often. Messages on WhatsApp are appreciated; even better, leave a voice message so they can hear you. Here is a great answer on how to speak to your parents:
Am I Wrong to Not Want to Speak with My Parents?

May Allah help you through this and give you the blessings of a beautiful devotional life. Please see the links below:
How Do I Stop Arguing with My Mother?

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.