Is One Allowed to Consensually Degrade or Insult a Spouse during Intercourse?
Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad
Question
How to talk to your partner during sexual intercourse? Is it allowed to insult and degrade your partner at his or her request if it is part of the game and both are aware that it is only that? This would only happen during sexual intercourse. Of course, the whole thing presupposes that both agree with it and need/do it in order to be fulfilled and aroused. Both of them do not see it as harmful to the relationship, their self-esteem, etc.
Answer
Thank you for your question. Such behaviour is unbecoming of Muslims and contrary to the sunna as you can see from the hadiths below:
Insults
It was narrated that `A’isha said: “I never saw the Messenger of Allah Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) insulting anyone, and no garment was ever folded up for him.” [Ibn Maja]
And he said (Allah bless him and give him peace), “The believer does not insult the honour of others, nor curse, nor commit Fahisha (vile, indecent deed), nor is he foul.” [Tirmidhi]
And he said (Allah bless him and give him peace), “The believer is not a slanderer, nor does he curse others, and nor is he immoral or shameless.” [Tirmidhi]
Etiquette
I urge the couple not to behave in this manner, eventually, they would tire of it anyway and stop enjoying it. One’s God-given fitra (innate predisposition) is not in line with this and it is potentially sinful, at the very least disliked.
I urge the couple not to behave in this manner, eventually, they would tire of it anyway and stop enjoying it. One’s God-given fitra (innate predisposition) is not in line with this and it is potentially sinful, at the very least disliked.
Please see these links as well:
Is Violence During Intercourse Allowed?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad
[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
